Money does not come from an endless supply, and it is surprising how many young couples are unaware of its limits. Too often, parents supply their children with the basic necessities of food, shelter, and clothing. They often give their children many extras, such as a car, gas allowances, and college tuition. Young people may have a job, but the money is “fun money.” There is nothing necessary to buy with the money, so it is spent on frivolous things, as the mood of the young person directs.
Unfortunately, it is not until marriage that most couples face paying bills each month. Since young people have yet to progress up the ladder of success, they find themselves with limited funds that must be budgeted between what they must have and what they would like to have. Yet it is so easy to pick up temporary cash to purchase things on credit. In their eagerness to have it now, few couples consider the fact that they must eventually pay the money back, usually at excessive interest rates. Debts quickly accumulate, and with the debts come stress and arguments.
Even if a couple manages to avoid the trap of credit card-induced debt, money still becomes a source of contention. No matter how much or little a person makes, there are still limits to the funds available for purchases. Eventually, choices have to be made. We can purchase either A or B, but we do not have the funds to buy both. The arguments start when the husband chooses A and the wife chooses B. Many wives have no problems with the husband being the head of the family until he wants to spend money on the wrong item. Many husbands claim they will consider their spouse’s desires before deciding, until they realize their spouses will never agree to their plan. It is much better in their minds to just make the purchase than to face an extended argument.
The solution is for both the husband and wife to come down from their high horse of knowing they are right, remember their proper roles as a husband and wife, and start thinking as a family, not two individuals. Few decisions will make everyone happy. A decision needs to be made because one or both parties are unhappy with the choices. However, a choice must be made. If a mutually agreeable choice cannot be made, then the husband, as head of the family, must make the final decision. That doesn’t mean that the husband always gets his way. Often, the best choice for the family is not the husband’s favorite decision. Yet, personal desires must be set aside for the good of the family as a whole. This also requires that wives abide by their husbands’ decisions. The time for discussion is before the choice is made, not after. You might be 100 percent certain that your husband made the wrong choice, but there are times you will have to let him face the consequences of his decision.
One of the worst ways couples “solve” their money problems is by having separate bank accounts. Couples with two accounts start thinking of their income as his and her money. Two accounts cause a separation instead of a coming together. Disagreements arise over who will pay the electric bill and out of whose account the groceries will be purchased. Having separate accounts means decisions can be made without consulting your spouse. In the short term, it avoids arguments, but in the long term, problems are not solved. Having a single, joint account forces people to think as a unit. The first few years may be rough as you make the transition, but it is worth the discomfort in the long run.
For finances to be controlled, plans and budgets must be made together. The husband is ultimately responsible for the family’s goals, which should be set with his wife’s understanding and input. The wife is responsible for working within the limits of their income and goals. At times, hard choices must be made, but that is a part of being responsible. The husband is responsible for the family’s income, and even here, there will be difficult decisions to make as you journey through life together.
These separate roles work well together when both the husband and wife work to make the duties of the other more straightforward to manage. A husband should not feel that his wife is spending all or more than he can bring home, and a wife should not feel that her husband is too lazy to bring in enough money. There will be times when money is tight, but both the husband and the wife should trust that the other is doing all they can to make the best of a bad situation.