Question:
Hello Jeff,
I recently started studying the Bible, and I want to get baptized as soon as I understand how it goes. It’s my wish to follow God’s commands, turn my life around, and be a good child. I am married to a non-Christian, and I would like your advice on how to address a situation with my husband. I am against using birth control pills that work as abortifacients and, of course, against abortion itself. He, on the other side, wishes that I take birth control pills and that if a baby happens, I abort it. We are stuck on this argument since no one will give up. We already had an abortion in the past, and even though I know God forgave me for this, the sadness is still there from time to time. He refuses my suggestions, such as limiting intercourse to safe times from my menstrual cycle, withdrawal, or any other techniques. He tells me that if we don’t reach an agreement on the plan we are to follow if a baby happens, then he will leave me. I understand that keeping each other from having sex is not doable since we are commanded not to separate, but only if both agree, to dedicate time to the Lord, and to not remain separate for too long. I also advised him that if he left me and started a relationship with someone else, he would be committing adultery and that at some point, he would have to give an account for that.
I am in a situation where I am not part of a church (out of my country and in a Muslim one, no language in common, and all churches being denominations), and that’s why I am asking you instead of going to my preacher or someone else. In case you answer this, it’s very much appreciated.
Thanks.
Answer:
For more on baptism, see: How to Become a Christian.
For Christians, doing what is right — what is pleasing to God — comes absolutely first. “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26-27). Killing children is never right. See: You Shall Not Murder and What If … ? It is a shame that your husband doesn’t value his own children, but your husband doesn’t have the right to kill children he doesn’t want. He can take steps on his own to limit the possibility of getting you pregnant, but that is his choice. If necessary, there are some contraceptives that you can use, such as the diaphragm and cervical cap, to reduce the odds of pregnancy. But if these techniques don’t work, then he must face the simple fact of life — having sex leads to having children.
You can’t stop him if he chooses to leave over this matter. But you are also told not to do wrong just to keep him. “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace” (I Corinthians 7:15). The word “bondage” here is the one for a slave. A Christian is not the slave of a spouse. God always comes first.
Stick to doing what is right. Tell him what you cannot do and what you will be happy to do. I suspect you will need to prepare for a child in the not-too-distant future.