Question:
My girlfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for a while, and we truly love each other. With God’s help and guidance, we plan on getting married in the future. However, we occasionally like to discuss kissing and other related activities. We were feeling confident with each other, and we even talked about getting undressed and other things. We enjoy talking like that very much, and it helps strengthen our relationship, and about not seeing each other.
But we both promised each other we would refrain from all of those things when we are together, even kissing, and keep ourselves pure until our wedding day. Would this kind of talk be considered lusting or desiring each other to be a sin for both of us? Should we refrain entirely from such talk and not think about it until after the wedding, when we become one and have each other to enjoy?
Answer:
It is interesting how some justify their actions by claiming they are not prone to temptations that bother others. Paul’s warning comes to mind, “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall” (I Corinthians 10:12). If something holds danger, common sense tells us it is best to defend against it.
“But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them” (Ephesians 5:3-7).
The concept that there is no harm in talking is false. Talk is an expression of ideas, and bringing up ideas that are not proper for the situation you are in can lead to danger. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man” (Mark 7:21-23). If nothing else, it weakens your resistance against sin when presented with the opportunity to sin.
You are incorrect that it strengthens your relationship unless you only measure your relationship in terms of how strongly you want to have sex with each other. Sexual topics for unmarried people tend to dominate their conversations, and the real relationship stagnates as the couple spends less time getting to know each other as people and focuses solely on physical traits.
Talk about the things that you can do in the present and not the things that must be reserved for the future.
Response:
Thanks for clarifying everything for me.
I had a conversation with my girlfriend about it earlier, and we decided to stop discussing this topic. We realized that it is not proper to talk like this while trying to stand firm because this is a sign that we have already fallen. We will only focus our minds on good things and the present. There is a time for everything, and now is not the time to be thinking of such things.
Thanks again! God bless you.